What's the Name of That Band?
by Nhoj Nozuy
Summary: A clavat, a lilty, a selkie, and a yuke try to make some money. Why not just sell lemonade?
1. Crappy Rap and The Brutish Invasion

What's the Name of that Band?  
By: Nhoj Nozuy  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Final Fantasy Crystal Chronicles or any of its characters. I also don't own the Beatles or any of their lyrics.  
  
One day, a Selkie, a Yuke, a Lilty, and a Clavat decided to make a band so they could earn some money.  
  
"Let's make a rock band" said the Clavat. "Dat's stupid. Let's makes us a rap band yo! FO shizzle!'' said the Lilty putting on a gaudy piece of jewelry and folding his arms in a ridiculous position. "Let's start a country band y'all!" said the Selkie. "I suggest a combination of musical sounds that reaches optimal efficiency!" shouted the Yuke. Everybody just stared.  
  
Pt. One: "Rap" music.  
  
They all decided to try the rap band first, because they really liked the idea, and because the Lilty threatened to stab them.  
  
Although they got lots o' ass, there band stunk. First of all, the only thing that the Lilty said during the entire song was: "Yeah! Yeah boy Yeah! Yeah! Yeah boy Yeah!" Second of all, the Yuke tried to download computer software on the Dj's turn table, obviously, it didn't go well. Third, the Clavat tried to get the crowd really excited and jumped off the stage, expecting the crowd to catch him.  
  
Well, that type of stunt doesn't really work when the crowd is made up of a senior citizen, a janitor, and a Trekkie.  
  
Colored black and blue they returned to the drawing board. "Okay, that obviously didn't go too well. We made absolutely no money and plus we stunk. I suggest we try the rock band." said the Clavat. "I second that vote" "Me too y'all!" "Dat's stupid" "QUIET!!" So that settled it. They would try the rock band.  
  
Pt. Two: The Brutish Invasion  
  
"So, tell me again why we cut our hair in the shape of a bowl." said the Selkie. "In this one band all the members had bowl shaped hair, and they totally kicked ass! Their band name was a type of bug, but I can't remember." said the Clavat.  
  
"Well, if the name of their band was some type of bug, then the name of our band should be some type of bug" said the Lilty dropping the ghetto accent. "I suggest genus-formicidae a six-legged bug. It usually stays in arid regi" "NO!" shouted everyone except Yuke.  
  
They all pondered for a while. Then, they finally thought of one. "THE COCKROACHES!!" everybody screamed.  
  
And so, The Cockroaches delivered great hits such as "Evelyn Rigby ( no relation to Eleanor Rigby )" , "Magazine Writer", "Hey Dude", and "Kelp! I need somebody!"  
  
Later on in their career the Cockroaches launched more great songs. Such as: "Yellow Caravan", "Troll Tripper" , "Hard day's fight" , and " Lucille in the Sky with Crystals"  
  
Unfortunately the Cockroaches lost all their equipment in a bad Miasma stream accident. Being without equipment they couldn't perform. Thus eliminating all chances for income, which eventually drove them back where they started from, dirt poor, and jobless. (a/n Yay dominoes! Let's do it again! )  
  
Once again it was back to the drawing board.  
  
"Well that worked for a while, but It just ended up turning into a total disaster y'all," said the Selkie. "I suggest we try the country band idea!" "Well I don't see why not. It's either the country girl's idea or the creepy computer music of that Yuke, those who vote for country girl's plan raise your hand."  
  
Everybody except the Yuke raised their hands.  
  
"The hands have it, country it is!"  
  
~End~  
  
So did you like it? This was my first FFCC fic. The next chapter will have one to three parts depending on the globs of homework I get. Review Please!  
  
Nhoj Nozuy 


	2. Country Cussin' and Metal Madness

**Author's Note: **Hey guys. Sorry for not updating, I've had school, darn it.

**What's the Name of That Band?**

**By: Nhoj Nozuy**

**Pt. 3 & 4**

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Final Fantasy Crystal Chronicles, or any of it's characters. You're not holding me down Country Music Y'all!

"-so tell me again exactly _why_ we're dressed like cowboys?" asked the Clavat. "I told y'all already, **ALL **country singers dress like this." Explained the Selkie. "Do all country singers have Billy Ray Sirus mullets!" asked the Clavat scratching his wig. The Lilty, who was tired of being ignored, voiced his opinion. "Well, the country singers can suck my-" "Dick Van Dike" said the Clavat. "What?" said the Lilty. "Dick Van Dike, he's a funny guy!" "Ooookaaaay. Let's get started y'all!"

The eager band gathered upon a conveniently placed stage and started playing. One by one people started gathering.

"What's happening?" asked the Clavat. "My calculations are correct. Southern Alabamians can't resist the sound of country music, especially since it's free!"

"Can y'alls do The Devil Went Down to Georgia!" screamed one of the many red-neck audience members. "Uh….what's that?" asked the Clavat. "Dad gum it. Y'alls don't know Devil Went down Ta Georgia? Sheoot boy, hand that theyar geetar."

The Clavat handed over his prized guitar and instantly the guitar turned into a banjo. "Guthrie, bring ol' whiskey jyar ovah hya! We is gonna have a good ol' fayshyun Hoe-down!"

All of a sudden, the audience surged up towards the stage, knocking the Clavat, the Yuko, the Selkie, and the terrified Lilty off the stage.

_**14 bandages and 8 stitches later…**_

"The horror…..the horror….all those red-necks…..all those Nascar hats… Jeff Foxworthy….. ." moaned the Clavat, shuddering violently.. "How could they whistle and talk….**at the same time?**" agonized the traumatized Yuko. "Whose bright idea was this anyway!" shouted the Lilty. "Uhhh…." The Selkie slowly backed into the corner. "Now what are we gonna do?" asked the Clavat. "May I suggest the jazzo-electric symph-" The Yuko was cut off by a simultaneous "NO!" from his band-mates.

So our favorite band was back to the drawing board. They already tried rock, rap "music" as they like to call it, and country. Their choices were slowly dying away.

All of a sudden, Clavat had a stroke of genius. "Hey, what about Heavy Metal?" queried the Clavat. A heavy-metal band, what a brilliant idea! Heavy-metal bands always get lots of ass, and they always have something tto be pissed off about, except during those wussy power-ballads. "Well, I guess it's worth a shot." said the Selkie, hoping that everyone forget about the country incident. "Yeah, heavy metal _seems_ okay…." Said the Lilty. "I _still _think we should do-""WOULD YOU CUT THAT OUT!"

So it was settled, heavy metal, biatches.

**Pt.4 Heavy frickin' Metal**

"Do we really have to wear all this stuff?" "What stuff?" asked the Clavat. "**This** stuff!" yelled the Selkie pointing to the huge mound of make-up, creepy looking clothes, and hair-extensions. "Well yeah. Kiss pulled it off, why can't we?" asked the Clavat innocently. "Then, why am I the only one wearing it?" asked the Selkie. "Because, um, f-fish?" said the Clavat. "That doesn't even make any sense!" screamed an enraged Selkie. "Does any of this make any sense?" asked the Yuko. There was a pause. The group shrugged it off, and went on stage.

"Why does this keep happening?" asked a confused Lilty. "What?" "Well, we always get gigs, but we never make arrangements or do phone-calls or anything?" "You know what? I really don't know! There's some kind of conspiracy going on! Holy crap!" screamed the Yuko. But nobody really likes the Yuko, so nobody really paid attention.

"Now introducing, the newest band to the metal scene, uh…say, what's your guy's name?" asked the host. "White Sabbath!" said the overly make-upped Selkie. "Please welcome, WHITE SABBATH." Screamed the announcer.

And with that, the show started. They churned out great hits like: "Rain, Rain, Go Fuck Yourself" , "Lick My Love Pump You Damn Lawyer", and "Can Someone Hand Me a Moist Towelette."

With 8 Platinum albums and money pouring into their pockets, they had finally found their calling, everyone was happy, and they never had musical problems ever again.

The En-

You didn't it would end there did you? Did you? Well no, it doesn't. Shortly after there massive success, White Sabbath was sued for 10 Million Dollars, because of the fact that Towelette is not a real word. Yes, stupid, but true, I checked on Spell-Check.

With all the good band idea's gone, and money taken away, our miserable troop was once again they were back to that damn drawing board.

"What can we do?" asked the Clavat. "I have an idea!" shouted the Yuko. They all knew it was coming, and there was no use fighting it. It was time.

**Pt. 5 Elecrtic-Jazzo-Fusion Type Music Majiger Thing.**

**To Be Continued.**

**Author's Notes:**

I'm back biatches.

No offense to any Alabamians that might be reading this piece. I personally like acouple of country song. But you have to admit, you had it coming, especially with that whole Dixie Chick and Toby Keith thing. Jeff Foxworthy is a hilarious man.


End file.
